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Enjoy the jokes and funny stories that we have gathered here
and there. If you would like to contribute, send
your favorite joke or story to us at
humor@findthefish.com
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Q. If fish
lived on land, which country would they live in?
A. Finland. |
Fisherman's
wife: "Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a
man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend" |
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One day a fisherman
was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole
propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into
the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the
afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish.
About that time, a businessman came walking down the
beach, trying to relieve some of the stress of his
workday. He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and
decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead
of working harder to make a living for himself and his
family.
"You aren't going to catch many fish that way," said the
businessman to the fisherman, "you should be working
rather than lying on the beach!"
The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and
replied, "And what will my reward be?"
"Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish!" was
the businessman's answer.
"And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman,
still smiling.
The businessman replied, "You will make money and you'll
be able to buy a boat, which will then result in larger
catches of fish!" "And then what will my reward be?" asked
the fisherman again.
The businessman was beginning to get a little irritated
with the fisherman's questions. "You can buy a bigger
boat, and hire some people to work for you!" he said.
"And then what will my reward be?" repeated the fisherman.
The businessman was getting angry. "Don't you understand?
You can build up a fleet of fishing boats, sail all over
the world, and let all your employees catch fish for you!"
Once again the fisherman asked, "And then what will my
reward be?"
The businessman was red with rage and shouted at the
fisherman, "Don't you understand that you can become so
rich that you will never have to work for your living
again! You can spend all the rest of your days sitting on
this beach, looking at the sunset. You won't have a care
in the world!"
The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, "And
what do you think I'm doing right now?" |
Q. How do you
stop a fish from smelling?
A. Cut it's nose off |
Q. What is the
fastest fish in the sea?
A. Go-carp. |
Q. What do you
call a fish with no eye?
A. FSH!!!! |
Q: What did
the fish say when he swam into the wall?
A: Dam. |
A father and son
went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the
boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He
asked his father, "How does this boat float?
The father replied, "Don't rightly know son." A little
later, the boy looked at his father and asked, "How do
fish breath underwater?"
Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know son." A
little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky
blue?"
Again, the father replied. "Don't rightly know son."
Finally, the boy asked his father, "Dad, do you mind my
asking you all of these questions?"
The father replied, "Of course not, you don't ask
questions, you never learn nothin'."
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Fishing rule #1: The
least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest
fish.
Fishing rule #2: The worse your line is tangled,
the better is the fishing around you.
Fishing rule #3: Fishing will do a lot for a man
but it won't make him truthful. |
A fisherman
returned to shore with a giant marlin that was bigger and
heavier than he. On the way to the cleaning shed, he ran
into a second fisherman who had a stringer with a dozen
baby minnows. The second fisherman looked at the marlin,
turned to the first fisherman and said, " Only caught one,
eh?"
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Ten common fishing
terms explained
Catch and Release - A conservation motion that happens
most often right before the local Fish and Game officer
pulls over a boat that has caught over it's limit.
Hook - (1) A curved piece of metal used to catch fish. (2)
A clever advertisement to entice a fisherman to spend his
live savings on a new rod and reel. (3) The punch
administered by said fisherman's wife after he spends
their life savings (see also, Right Hook, Left Hook).
Line - Something you give your co-workers when they ask on
Monday how your fishing went the past weekend.
Lure - An object that is semi-enticing to fish, but will
drive an angler into such a frenzy that he will charge his
credit card to the limit before exiting the tackle shop.
Reel - A weighted object that causes a rod to sink quickly
when dropped overboard.
Rod - An attractively painted length of fiberglass that
keeps an angler from ever getting too close to a fish.
School - A grouping in which fish are taught to avoid your
$29.99 lures and hold out for spam instead.
Tackle - What your last catch did to you as you reeled him
in, but just before he wrestled free and jumped back
overboard.
Tackle Box - A box shaped alarmingly like your
comprehensive first aid kit. Only a tackle box contains
many sharp objects, so that when you reach in the wrong
box blindly to get a Band Aid, you soon find that you need
more than one.
Test - (1) The amount of strength a fishing line affords
an angler when fighting fish in a specific weight range.
(2) A measure of your creativity in blaming "that darn
line" for once again losing the fish. |
| A man was
stopped by a game-warden in Lake Erie recently with two
buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing.
The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to
catch those fish?" The man replied to the game warden,
"No, sir. These are my pet fish." "Pet fish?!" the warden
replied. "Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish
down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I
whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take
'em home." "That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"
The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then
said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works." "O.K. I've
GOT to see this!" The game warden was curious. The man
poured the fish in to the river and stood and waited.
After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man
and said, "Well?" "Well, what?" the man responded. "When
are you going to call them back?" the game warden
prompted. "Call who back?" the man asked. "The FISH."
"What fish?" the man asked. |
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